WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House has updated the American people on Biden’s handling of Afghanistan.
“Rest assured, the President is all over this,” said Biden’s National Security Advisor Peter Piddlepants. “He is very in charge and competent and presidential, as evidenced by this photo of all of us seated at a very official-looking conference table. See? look at that!” he said showing a picture on his phone. “Nothing to worry about!”
As he spoke, an ominous-looking cloudy vortex began to swirl overhead.
“The real ones at fault here are the Taliban,” said General Mark Milley in his latest op-ed piece for Teen Vogue. “They didn’t play fair even though they promised they would! Not cool guys, come on! Totally sus!” As he said this, he ran in circles and waved his arms wildly, further contributing to the swirling storm over Washington.
Media sources in Afghanistan then confirmed that the Taliban probably isn’t all that bad anyway, and this is all a small price to pay for getting fascist Trump out of office.
At the time of publishing, the hurricane over D.C. has grown to a category 4 from all the spinning.