A lizard is “terrorizing” a family.

Animal control does not know what to do.


Sedate the fucker and remove it.

Can’t sedate it?

A few rounds from a .45 ought to do the trick.

And lizard steaks would be on the menu plus maybe a couple of pair of shoes.

This is one giant lizard the meteor missed — and it’s in a Davie neighborhood.

According to Martin County Trappings & Removals, a six-foot Nile monitor or an Asian monitor is driving a Davie family nuts. So far, it’s not cooperating with the rescue group’s plans to capture the remnant of the late Mesozoic era.

On Tuesday, “Trapper Mike” aka Mike Kimmel of the Martin County agency posted one bit of success on Facebook in the group’s efforts at corralling the Nile monitor that has staked territory in a lakefront and leafy Davie community: “Got this monster of an invasive cane toad while hunting down a 6ft monitor in Davie… wish me luck y’all this lizard I’m tracking is HUGE!”

But so far luck isn’t on humans’ side.

The Lieberman family — Zachary and Maria and their two young children — spotted the monitor in their backyard a few days ago strolling about and flicking its tongue and no amount of people tricks such as chasing it or shooting phone video have convinced the carnivorous beast to find a family of its own far away, WPLG Local 10 reported.

“We haven’t captured it yet and we’ve been diligently trying,” Zachary Lieberman said in an interview with the Miami Herald Wednesday. “The FWC was out here and a couple of local trappers and I’ve been out there and we thought we had a good lead on it today. We were tracking it down but came up empty handed.”

Lieberman said a dog helped trappers by picking up on the monitor’s scent and led them to a hole. A trapper with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission stuck a scope down the hole but, alas, it was empty.

“It might have burrowed into the area,” Lieberman said. “The area I’m at is heavily forested, a big preserve, so it’s got a lot of hiding places. It’s not as easily accessible.”

Except when it wants to be. A couple days after it was shushed away into the woodsy grounds the monitor showed up again, pressing its mug right up against the sliding glass window in the Lieberman’s back porch near their fenced-in pool.

Monitors swim, too, which makes them happy in South Florida even though Nile or Asian water monitors are considered invasive in Florida, according to environmental groups like Martin County Trappings and the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. You can’t make them pets in Florida.

On Tuesday, Trapper Mike posted on Facebook of his group’s efforts, alongside the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, of their shared efforts in trying to trap monitor.

“Didn’t get it, sun never came out making it very hard,” the Martin County Trappings post read. “Worked [with] FWC so hopefully they will trap before this weekend, if not I’ll be back.”

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3 Responses to IN “FLORI-DUH!” NEWS……

  1. BobF says:

    Heck, you wouldn’t need a .45, a .22 will take care of it easily. Also, the .22 doesn’t make as much noise as a .45

  2. redneckgeezer says:

    I’m thinking you need Joe Biden and his double barreled twelve gauge. Just torch off a couple of rounds and it will run away. At least that’s what Joe says.

  3. Eskyman says:

    Redneck, a better plan would be to feed the lizard with Joe Biden.

    The lizard would choke to death & we’d be rid of them both!

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