New Noah’s Ark playset to be launched featuring heathen action figures you can drown.
The figures are equipped with moisture-detection technology and will begin screaming curses at God and flailing their arms about helplessly when your kids dunk them in the tub or pool. After they struggle for a period of time, they will finally close their eyes, having been consumed by God’s righteous wrath. Consumers will then have to purchase new figures at $9.99 apiece should they wish to drown more pagans who turned from God’s call to repentance.
“This is a great product to teach kids the reality of Noah’s Ark, and not the watered-down cutesty version,” Ken Ham said in a product announcement video uploaded to YouTube. “As your kids hear the hopeless cries of the heathen during bath time, they’ll reflect upon the holiness of God and the severity of His great wrath—as well as His great mercy for rescuing Noah and his family.”
The toy set has begun a limited run on sale at the Ark Encounter, with a wide release planned just in time for Christmas. Early reviews aren’t entirely positive, however: some parents are complaining the toys will only begin screaming in terror if submerged in enough water to create a literal worldwide flood.